i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
