He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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