my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
