it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
