So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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