3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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