Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your penis caused this!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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