Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
