Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
