My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
