I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's even glitter on my cock...
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