If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
