Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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