as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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