Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
