remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
