I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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