I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize