We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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