theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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