Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
