For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
