I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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