what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
