Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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