drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
