matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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