Someone shit on the floor
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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