is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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