Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
