I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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