Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
