I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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