You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize