sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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