Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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