i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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