I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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