I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
