I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
