dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
