people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
