Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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