Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best revenge is premature balding
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
