You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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