So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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