Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
