He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
