Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.