I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
