In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
