He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
