So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
