how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize