peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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