For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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