I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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