I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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