and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're a waste of cheezeits
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
