Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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