I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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