sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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