i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
