So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
