Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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